I love You with all of my...kidneys?

". . . For the righteous God tests the hearts and minds (literally kidneys; the secret part of man).
 My defense is of God, Who saves the upright in heart." ~Psalm 7:9-10


     Yesterday, I woke up around 5:00am with excruciating pain in my left kidney.  Normally, I'm pretty good at hiding when something on my body hurts, but the pain in my kidney was so bad that I would let out a weird little noise every time I moved a certain way.  I haven't been drinking enough water, so I walked to the kitchen with tears running down my face to get some.  I then went to spend time with the Lord to ask Him if this was about anything besides a lack of water.  Three things came out of that time: 1. I remembered verses, like the one above,  where "mind" is translated to mean "kidneys".  2. I needed to put on my Belt of Truth.  3.  The Lord gave me an overwhelming peace.
     So, I went about my Sunday in the worst pain.  I got prayer from the 2 and 3 year olds (there is SO much power in their prayers!!) and felt better, but still had some pain.  I then got prayer from a woman who gets a whole lot of insight from the Lord.  While we were praying, the Lord connected the dots of my prayer time that morning through her.
     She was praying for a deeper revelation of God's love to come to me, and for the lies about my worth to be pulled out.  While she was praying, God showed me something that I had almost forgotten about.
The other day, I said something about the Lord doing something that would be a huge inconvenience to me (something like hitting every red light when I'm late...I don't remember what I was saying.) that would make Him laugh at me.  That is NOT the character of our God!!  The Holy Spirit definitely caught me on it when I said it, but I didn't do anything about it, like tell Him sorry. 
     When He revealed it to me again, I quickly said sorry and asked Him to purge me of anymore false perceptions that I had of Him.  The pain immediately left and I was left with a VERY thankful heart.
God wanted to reveal the truth of His character to me in the deepest part of my being.  And, the great thing is, He's not done doing that.  I'll always be learning more about every aspect of His character, including His love, for the rest of my life.  I love this journey with Him!  

Daddy God

“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.  If a son asks for bread  from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish?  Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?  If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!” ~Luke 11:9-13

Lately, the Lord has been teaching me about His Father's heart.
Growing up without a dad, God has had a lot of time to teach me about what a true Father is.  I thought I knew just about everything there was to know about God being my Father (silly to think that I knew everything, right?).  I've discovered over the last couple of weeks that I still have wrong perceptions of Daddy God.


The other morning I was praying...okay, I was actually getting distracted about the fact that I wanted a new dress for graduation, but I still had no money for my phone bill this month.  I figured out before this moment of distraction why I was out of money (I hadn't tithed on something...another cool story in itself), told God I was sorry, and thanked Him for His faithfulness.  What He said to me in my distraction was very shocking to me.
As I was thinking about what I could possibly do to get a new dress, the Lord said plain as day, "Ask Me!"  I responded by saying, "No, Lord, that's so silly.  Why would I ask You for a dress when I can't even pay my phone bill?!"  And He said again, "Just ask Me! Watch what I do!"  I finally caved and said, "Okay, Lord.  May I please get a new dress for graduation?"
After asking, He brought to my mind Luke 11:9-13.  I was so overwhelmed by His goodness!

He is a faithful Father.  He LOVES to give us good gifts.
One three year old that I babysit sometimes comes to me with a cute look on her face and something behind her back.  Last time it was play-doh.  I was almost afraid to see what was behind her back, but when she pulled out the play-doh and said, "Chrees (that's how she pronounces my name), can I play with this?" I was delighted to say yes to her.  How much more delighted is the Lord when we ask Him for things and He gets to bless us!


This aspect of God's nature doesn't only apply to material things.  The fact that we get to be in the presence of our Creator and actually know what's on His heart is astounding.  What a privilege it is to be able to know Him and His secrets.


Life with the Lord is an adventure.  We get to seek out His heart, His secrets, what He wants to say about any situation.  He is a faithful Father just waiting for His kids to ask Him for what they need and want.  Just ask and watch what He does!

Love.

Love:

• A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
• a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, asfor a parent, child, or friend.
• affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
• strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
• the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love
• the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

I've been thinking a lot about love over the last few months.
We use the word love for just about everything.  "I love that movie," or, "I love this restaurant."  I feel like we don't actually know the meaning of the word anymore.
Real love is risky.  Love will be completely vulnerable.  Love will forsake everything.  Love will completely forget about itself and its own interests and desires for the sake of another.


There's a song by Misty Edwards called Arms Wide Open that makes me cry almost every time I hear it.  Some of the words are "What does love look like? . . . If all of life comes down to love, then love has to be more than sentiment; more than selfishness and selfish gain.  Then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me. . .He had arms wide open, a heart exposed, arms wide open, He was bleeding.  This is how I know what love is." 
I "know" that God is love.  I "know" that Jesus died on the Cross because He loves the world.  I "know" a lot about love.  And yet, I don't love people the way I should.  I don't always love people with the kind of love that's willing to be completely vulnerable for the sake of helping someone else.  I don't always love people enough to let go of their shortcomings, because apparently I have none (sarcasm).  I want so badly to love like Jesus.


Something else I've learned about love is that it promotes growth, no matter what.
You know that saying "God loves you where you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way"?  Although I'm not one that generally likes cheesy Christian sayings, the Lord confirmed this one to me through a seemingly silly (and gross) dream.
In the dream, I was potty-training a toddler.  I told the girl to go sit on the potty but she didn't listen.  She overflowed her pull-up with urine.  She looked at me with an "oops" face, but you could tell she wasn't actually sorry for disobeying.  Then I heard the voice of a wise old man (I kind of picture him with long, white hair and a beard with glasses reading a giant book) come up beside me and say, "Even though the child disobeyed you and wet her pants because of it, and even though you know that this won't be the last time she does this, does that mean you will keep her in pull-ups for the rest of her life?  Of course not!  You will keep trying until she gets it.  That is love."
As silly as the dream seemed to me at first, I continued to get revelation of what it meant.  Whether it's God dealing with us, or someone else who God is using to deal with us, sometimes we have to take (or give!) correction from (to) one another.  Sometimes I take the "peace-maker" role and twist it to make me comfortable.  I'll try and be a peace-keeper and make sure everyone is happy when I'm supposed to speak up about something.  I'm not saying to run around and correct everyone, but sometimes the Lord really does want us to speak up in certain situations, especially with those we call our friends.  We need to hold each other accountable and be able to receive right correction (another one I really need to work on).


I am really, really grateful to have such an excellent example of love in Jesus.  He was, and is, tangible Love.  From washing His disciples' feet (even the feet of Judas, who would betray Him not much later), to dying on the Cross, He risked everything for love.


Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things endures all things. 
 ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7